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The thought of falling in love again

Terrifies me

You broke me down so badly

'til i wasn't even me

Then he came along

Out of nowhere, unexpected

I'm finding it hard to let myself

Be consumed with this happiness

He brings

So much time wasted on pleasing you

Never really got to be me

And now I'm the bad guy

And you get to sit there, victimized

Cuz I couldn't take it anymore?

I guess it was never meant to be fair

You screwed me, before

And somehow you've still found a way

To put all the blame on me

I won't accept it anymore

I'm moving on from little boys

Who only know how to play games

I'm done sinking in an ocean of lies

Life is moving on and the waves keep crashing

I stay in their flow

Waves of happiness

Everything is new

I open my eyes

And see the world

In a brand new light

You made it brighter

And cleared my view

Everything is new

The grass is blue

And the sky is green

Topsy Turvy, Topsy Turvy

I laugh at the irony

And just keep going

Everything is new

I can't help but smile

And be thankful for life

You gave me happiness

Along with all your silliness

I can now breathe again

Everything is new

Letting go

I wrote this awhile ago but it is very relevant now. So I thought I would share it :)

I've been holding on so tight

To this unrealistic dream

But now my hands are slipping

And the ground is nowhere in sight

Is this going to hurt?

Or will I land on a cloud?

It's time for me to wake up

You will never change

The world is so much clearer

Now that my eyes are wide open

Do you see how happy I've become?

Why are you trying to ruin that?

You were my first love

But that never really meant anything to you, did it?

You can't bring me down

I'm moving on with my life

I am done waiting for you to show me

Your true feelings

How does it make you feel

To know this was your last chance?

You Decide

I have tried for so long
To keep my secrets, secret
Why are you trying to ruin that?
You don't know me
Like you think you do
I may not have all the answers
But, sweetie, you ain't even close
Every time I put in the effort
I get blamed like I did something
When it's really all your fault
Or maybe it's just that we
Should have never entertained that thought
We are not good together
Maybe it was never meant to be
Or am I wrong about this too
It's time for you to step up
Or back down, all the way down
Because this lukewarm water
Has become unbearable uncomfortable
You decide

random things to admit

• I actually do like you.
• It still hurts to think about how things used to be.
• I really feel like I am ready for a serious relationship, now I just need to find the right man
• I like words. a lot. I wish I had a more extensive vocabulary.
  
• I love making new friends, because usually it results from awkward situations.
• I have so many secrets. But sometimes I say too much.
• I am pretty easy going, BUT if you really irritate me it could be bad news.
  
• I have a secret fear that after college there is nothing left for me.
• I know that that is not true.
• Sometimes I think it is absolutely ridiculous how much I wish I was in a relationship headed towards marriage right now.
• I feel trapped inside my own head
• I am working on being more outgoing, and just being myself around people.
• I want to be everything you want in a girl.
• I can't help but believe that you truly are the one for me.
• Late night talks with shannon are the best.
• If I didn't have texting I think I would be lost.
• There is a part of me that really wants to teach sex education in a school.
  
• The reason being that I love talking about sex, and learning more about sex. Also, I think that kids are not being taught appropriately on this subject.
• I don't regret a single decision I have made in my life--even if it goes against everything I was taught. You have to learn from what you do, and make choices on your own :)
• I think I am a stronger person now because of the people who have doubted me in the past.
• I am beginning to not really care what people think of me and the choices I make. It's my life!
• I know what it is I want to do with my life, I however have no idea where I want to live.
• I apologize if you learn something about me in this note you don't like.
• I really would like to go back to India as soon as possible.
• I am grateful for my parents and am so glad I had them to raise me.
• The most therapeutic thing for me to do is dance around my room and sing as if I was famous.
  
• My goal for this year is to become more comfortable with myself and actually perform at an open mic night.
  
• I am 22 and have never been on an actual date, this kind of worries me.
• I only really remember bits and pieces of my childhood, i wish i could remember more.
• I really want to be a mom, I have always loved kids and wanted some of my own. I also think I have pretty good maternal instincts and that I will be a good mom.
  
• I find it really hard to let go of someone that i was once very close to, but I have to believe it is their loss and i am better off without them in my life anyway.

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We were destined to find each other
Supposed to be star-crossed lovers
But instead we got caught in the shallow end
Of being nothing more than friends
Fate was unable to win against you
You would be a sore loser
Maybe one day
You will finally come to realize
That where you think you've won
You have only really just lost
You are the loser in this game of fate
How does that taste in your mouth
Is it bitter, sour, sweet
I want it to be bitter
Eat all your words, that's all I ask
Hate me the same way I've loved you
Or love me the way I've hated you
Does it even matter anymore
You won your little game
Now, go claim your perfect trophy
Every day you look at it you'll know
That is the only thing you have left
The only piece of me
You will ever be able to gaze upon
How does that taste in your mouth
Is it bitter, sour, sweet
I want it to be bitter
Hate me the same way I've loved you.

Everything

So, tonight I started putting a lot of thought into what it means to truly live for God. These song lyrics were stuck in my head "Heal my heart and make it clean, Open up my eyes to the things unseen, Show me how to love like You have loved me, Break my heart for heart for what breaks Yours, Everything I am for your kingdoms cause...". It says Everything I am, Everything. What does that mean? That almost seems impossible, but I can't help but think that should be the easiest thing for us. These lyrics are my heart's cry to God but yet I daily feel like I fall short of this. Do I live everyday and give God my everything, every thought, every action..do they glorify Him? I honestly wish I could say yes, but wouldn't that be a lie. I want everything that I am, every piece of me to be used for His will, not my own. I want to see the unseen things. I want to have the love that He has. Pure, unconditional love. Wouldn't that be great to be able to say that I love everyone no matter what. Hopefully, one day I will be able to say that. The hardest thing to pray in all of those lyrics is "Break my heart for what breaks Yours". I must say, compassion is not easy. You will find yourself crying at the most inopportune times, and wishing you weren't. It's not something you can change. BUT compassion is also great. You can have new perspectives on life and people tend to want to be around compassionate people more. :)


So basicially, I wrote all of that to say this. It is worth it to live your life and be everything for God, it's just not easy. And I am learning exactly what "everything" means :)